Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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