If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
