do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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