The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize