I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
