3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
