Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
