On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
