Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
