Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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