It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
