filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
