You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
