you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
