every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
