i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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