I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
