Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
