Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
