cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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