just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My bed smells like the plague
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
