Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
