I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
