he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it glows. i had to have it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
