Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
