my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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