She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
