i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
