I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
