she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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