Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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