awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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