When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
