i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
