We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
