I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
