She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
