I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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