I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
