just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
