I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Life without a bra equals bliss.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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