you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
