Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
