I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My bed smells like the plague
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
