Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize