i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
