I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
