I wish I could teleport
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
