that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
