she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
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