Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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