i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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