i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize