we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
