The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
