It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
