I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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