I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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