When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
