Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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