I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize