I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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