I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
