Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
