Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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