So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need to calm my uterus...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
