Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
