All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
