Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
