It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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