I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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