I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
is it fun? or sober?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
