Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
