I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize