Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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