Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
