I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
