Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
