Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
