i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Of course I have a pirate flag
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
